Posts Tagged ‘modern epigrams’

Live slow, die fast, leave a fully used corpse.

Mortality — it’s an ingenious solution for purposelessness, meanness, boredom, evil and everyday annoyances.

Immortality is created by memory — temporarily.

Immortality won’t bore us; it will be a fascination with an infinite complexity.

The longing for immortality is the longing for belonging.

Age is wasted on the old.

Live, give; mort abort.

Remember that you must die; do that so that you may live.

Beautician, mortician, detrition, transition.

Poop is funny; more poop is funnier.

We aren’t as superior as we imagine; the ants had toilets before us.

Eat, poop, pray.

First we had dirt holes, then we had septic tanks; now we have congress.

The mouth is a fresh stream of clear water — or a sewer line.

We relieve one end in private, spew from the other in public.

Poop matters; so does it’s absence.

Talk poop to others if you want, but be prepared to have to change your clothes.

The chief reasons not to own a dog are hot, soft and steamy.

Life is a pile of poop, and a mountain of adventure and beauty.

Poop is the great human equalizer; even the beautiful and powerful squat and stink.

Marriage is catchy, then it’s fetchy. 

Troll what’s droll; hook what’s serious. 

Befool the cruel; entrap the tool.

Contend for need; take out greed. 

Catch friends; release enemies. 

You can catch small, gentle things with patience — and sugar. 

We catch a cold; we’re caught by old.  

Those who fetch make the catch.

Pounce on happiness; secure it with gratitude. 

Hook a date; book a mate. 

To push someone else is to fall on your self.

Pushing flails; shoving fails.

The first shove is always within.

Old tushies suffer the pushies.

A riff, no love is a cliff and a shove.

We close our eyes, then we push.

Post-modern divergency pushes past our certainty.

Pushing and shoving flank the unloving.

Push whoosh; shush, swoosh.

Ask questions first; shoot off your mouth later.

Be you; no less.

Unperson; you’ll worsen.

Sync with yourself.

Que; not you.

A position is smaller than a person.

A sermon is a tedium, a person an Elysium.

Personages monologue; persons dialogue.

Self is a swiftly moving mark.

Roles dissolve; persons evolve.

Personages harbor persons.

Succeed then duck.

Fling muck then duck.

Love ducks nothing.

Duck compliments; take criticisms on the chin.

After every failure, duck your own punch.

Rake muck then duck.

A true friend is always found swinging punches beside you.

We all duck, but loyalty comes up swinging.

Email is a form of ducking.

You can’t duck your own muck.

Amazing is your presence — after your absence.

The cosmo is boffo ergo Io and Pluto.

Humans have an astonishing potential for a profound ordinariness.

Lies are predictable and boring: it’s honesty that is astonishing.

Normal is amazing; this is known by the very sick after they recover.

The stunning twin wonders of the body — its bright eyes.

Amazing, fantastic; realistic, scholastic.

The cosmos is amazing, but the simple conveniences of home, these are truly astonishing.

Only rarely do we glimpse the extraordinary, a moment of peace, a soul quieted by love.

It is astonishing how much credit a person is capable of taking for something they didn’t accomplish.

We stop to start to hope to see.

The telescope gave our eyes hope; the microscope made them well.

Wise eyes will not despise weak cries.

Eyes sniff; ears taste; skin gazes and still the heart is empty.

Our deepest “Why’s?” slip out the back doors of our aging eyes.

Eyes have lied, lips have ripped, the tongue has stung and yet the heart still hopes.

To go totally blind, open your eyes; to heal, close them.

Seeing is believing; not seeing is believing squared.

The eyes blink; the heart grows steady.

Let truth begin within.

Marriage is an uncertainty; love is a warranty.

Permanence is the misconception our warranties disabused us of.

A warranty is an up-sell; it was created to compensate for a downgrade.

Check the fine print for the time share; it reads that buyers should all beware.

On earth humans need warranties; in heaven they will need some serious relief from perfection.

Caveat emptor is at wisdom’s center.

Dishonesty invented the contract; cheap stuff mandated the warranty.

God created life-generating water, warming sun and cooling wind; this necessitated warranting everything else!

The amazing human race invented the great civilization we live in — so buy warranties.

A warranty is our assurance that our purchases were designed to break.

Since dishonesty is the market policy, a warranty is the best commodity.

Politics is a lot of flapdoodle — equal amounts of flap, and doodle.

Humanity’s inanity is gentrified by vanity.

A critique of you-not-me has all the marks of malarkey.

Drivel, bull and balderdash, add gobbledygook, make hooey hash.

Collaboration is the whole kit and caboodle; flapdoodle is just the view from a single noodle.

Flap has the clap and needs to nap.

Claptrap functions as a petty satrap.

Infinite is guff, until it meets with quite enough.

Flap is storm surf, silence sets of glassy combers.

Our eyes fall in love every other second, our hearts every other decade.

Dabble in romance; invest in love.

To not fall in love with oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance with others.

Take a chance on a romance; have an affair — start a nightmare!

Romantic is frantic and bi-sycophantic.

Passion is stirred by fashion, but a true love looks good in any old rag.

To recover from a severe romance, take two books with water and rest.

Romance is a slow dance; infatuation a brief prance.

Eve and Adam fell; then they loved.

Cupid is stupid; compassion is lucid.

A romance ends in a fight; true love begins with one.