Posts Tagged ‘a modern proverbist’

Poop is funny; more poop is funnier.

We aren’t as superior as we imagine; the ants had toilets before us.

Eat, poop, pray.

First we had dirt holes, then we had septic tanks; now we have congress.

The mouth is a fresh stream of clear water — or a sewer line.

We relieve one end in private, spew from the other in public.

Poop matters; so does it’s absence.

Talk poop to others if you want, but be prepared to have to change your clothes.

The chief reasons not to own a dog are hot, soft and steamy.

Life is a pile of poop, and a mountain of adventure and beauty.

Poop is the great human equalizer; even the beautiful and powerful squat and stink.

The genial Ben Genius was known for his great keenliness.

Been too frank, then rethink.

A Franklin per day keeps the creditors at bay.

Frankness is next to godliness.

A plethora of pains offer no gains.

A national uncle — not kite and key — is history’s gift to you and me.

To counterfeit is death; authenticity is life and breath.

To avoid the penitentiary, lean toward the evidentiary.

Early to rise and late to bed, makes a man stealthy, wealthy and dead.

Love your friends for they overlook your faults.

Go slow quickly.

The news is booze.

Too newsy make us woozy.

Bad news makes a bad brood.

Inoculate yourself against news; interpret life for yourself.

The news comes with choices; reality has many voices.

The news is gored and stored for the bored horde.

We become what we believe.

We seek the worst contorted first.

We have a penchant for the negative, the editative, the sedative.

All reporters are reality contorters.

The government brews a batch of news.

Your insults expose your faults.

Political results thrive on insults.

An insult is no substitute for an apology.

Insulting someone else’s solutions is no substitute for having your own.

Molt or bolt, forego insult.

Savvy adults consult; fools insult.

Insecurity breeds insults.

Those who master the art of insults will be mastered by it.

Insults prevent consults.

The compliment flies high over the head of the insult.

Ideologues should worry; a is an epistemological theory.

There are no a‘s, just rays and bays.

An a is an a is a b to a z.

A is first and last and flirty fast.

A is the indefinite definite.

All you need is a — and the.

A bores; the roars.

A in all; pick and play well.

A is a way of thinking, while blinking.

Ancient thinkers invented a; subsequent ideologues ruined it.

A is non, yet first and strong.

There is some grey ‘tween aye and nay.

Never discount wit; give it away for free.

Holy, holy, holy — is the highest dollery.

Wit is ephemeral; fortunately, so is dullness.

Bore your enemies with silence; save witticisms for your friends.

Veteran wits verb with soft bits.

Today’s touché; tomorrow’s cliche.

Wit’s a drilling tool; bore the ghoul, drill the fool.

The obstetrician is afforded the finest opportunity for wit, and the mortician.

The only thing better than a good party is a good repartee.

The best wit gets the best side split.

Wit requires a little bit.

Wilde, Churchill and Gabor were all blessed with a little more.

Wit may prompt a laughing fit, and yet omit truth’s needed hit.

Veracity is the soul of wit — and brevity.

We live by our wit, but we die with no snarky remarks at all.

At wit’s ends find the words of friends.

Sell with euphemisms, buy with witticisms.

Brevity is the sole, heel, vamp, tongue and eyelet of wit — except when it isn’t.

A half-wit beats a whole twit.

A repartee a day keeps wit in play, and a pun amps up the fun.

A household wit has three low muses: bawdy, naughty, and potty.

Wit sunders; love mends blunders.